For those of you that know me personally, you know that I can't even go get the mail without coming back with a 10 minute story. The following posts are a collection of the crazy stuff that happens when I’m out in the world and out at shows; from the "I Always Have A Story" section of my monthly e-newsletters.

To get the full version of my monthly e-newsletter, all you need to do is sign up.
 

I Always Have A Story

I'm Innocent! 

This past month I got a speeding ticket. Two in the same week actually. Both going 17 miles over the speed limit. I know, I need to slow the hell down. However the 2nd officer was nice enough to drop it down to a "Failure to obey a street sign". But the first one, oh no... the cop was extremely adamant that I was getting this ticket for 17mph over. He even schooled me on Virginia State Law and how all "residential areas" in the state always have a 25mph limit. 

The next day, a friend that knew where I got the ticket (Cedar Ridge Blvd in Loudoun County) said he drove by the scene of the crime and thought he noticed that the speed limit sign might have said 35 rather than 25mph. I quickly got on Google Street View, only to prove that the signs on that road were in fact 25mph. HERE is a picture from Google Street View on that road. Damn, I got excited there for a minute. But later that night I decided to do a drive by just to confirm. 

Much to my amazement, EVERY sign on EVERY inch of that road said 35mph. Apparently they changed the speed limit there after Google did a drive by. I took photos of each sign (see below) and plan to make an exhibit to present to the judge at my early October court date. I can't wait to say those four beautiful words... I'm innocent your Honor!

Look for an update the first week of October... hopefully with good news. Drive safe!

And for pure entertainment, here are 36 Embarrassing Google Street View Sightings.

**UPDATE**

So I went to court ready to defend myself with aeriel photographs as well as pictures of every MPH sign on the road. However as my name was called to stand before the judge, the Sherrif told the judge that he made a mistake and would like the ticket dismissed. I didn't even have to say a word! Case dismissed.

 

A Winning Streak 

Just when I think I had seen it all, something new pops up. During performances over the years, I have witnessed bar fights, fainting, babies wandering around alone, people performing “personal” acts under a table, puking, broken glasses and broken hearts. But a few weeks ago while playing at Loudoun Valley Vineyards I witnessed a first. 

There were a pair of married couples sitting in front of me all afternoon enjoying the sun, some wine and hopefully my music. I had a nice conversation with their table, and while they weren’t drunk, they were certainly… ummm, outgoing. Late in the afternoon they decided to finally leave. From my vantage point on the deck I was playing at, I could see their car pull out of the driveway. But then it stopped, and apparently somebody got out before the car returned to the parking lot near the front of the winery. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed somebody “frolicking” through the field that surrounded the winery directly in view of me an everybody else on the deck. We all realized at the same time that the gentleman prancing around the field aimlessly was in fact very much naked. I literally stopped playing mid-song and asked the crowd “Is that dude streaking?!”. Sure enough, he was. He ate up the attention, and upon noticing everybody was watching, he gave a big wave (with his hands... get your mind out of the gutter!). The patrons all waved back, sans a couple parents that used their hands to cover the eyes of young children.


The car eventually drove back up the driveway to pick him up as he got in slowly. I kind of imagined his wife inside the car pulling up to him like in Old School asking “Frank.. what the hell are you doing?!” Classic.

Fun fact: Did you know that Hamilton College (the 16th best Liberal Arts school in the nation) has a Varsity Streaking Team? They are undefeated. What a winning streak!

The Photo Bomb  

This past month I received a very random email. In fact, the first sentence of said email was “This is going to sound so random.” It doesn’t need any set up or commentary, so here it is for your reading pleasure. I have added hyperlinks for your education and playful entertainment. The photo attached to the email is at the bottom, blacked out for obvious reasons.

This is going to sound so random. Not sure if you have heard of GRINDR? It's a mobile app (for gay men) for your phone that basically shows people that have also created profiles that are on the app, and how far away they are from you. I'm sure you're very much a straight man, which is why this is sort of funny. I live in Winchester VA, and this guy’s picture shows up on my screen, and he's like 30 some miles away. Well by looking at the pic, I can see another guy in the background. I'm staring at the pic wondering if the picture is at a concert or something, thinking to myself “I wonder if the poor guy in the background with the guitar knows that he is in this photo that this man has as his profile picture?” So I tap the photo, which makes the distance and stats disappear, and low and behold in the right hand corner of the screen there is a speaker with a name and a website. Of course I had to check it out...and guess what?! It's you

This random guy is actually helping you out a in a way. I totally went to your website and checked out your music. It's different than what I would normally listen to, but I was pleasantly surprised. Again, random but I thought you might find some humor in it. I have attached the photo so you could see what I'm talking about. Good luck in your endeavors.

 

 

 

 

Taking Credit For A Future Rock Star 

If 10 year old Benjamin is an official Rock Star by time he is 25, I’m going to take credit for it. 

After seeing me play a show last fall, a 10 year old boy named Benjamin bought my CD. Not too long after that, his guitar teacher (whom I happen to know) asked him to write a list of 10 songs he would like to learn. He listed a few Beatles songs, The Eagles, some modern rock tunes, etc. But #2 on his list was my song "A Thousand Love Songs"! He then came to one of my shows this spring with his Dad and told me he learned the song. So I invited him to play it with me the next time I had a show in his area. Not long after that, he showed up with his electric guitar ready to make his live debut. Fortunately his dad had a video camera and sent me the video. Here it is:



I’m flattered that young Benjamin digs my music enough to want to learn it. I hope he continues to practice, as I’m sure he will get better every month. And speaking of getting better, his Dad recently reached out to let me know that his Mini Clapton has learned two more of my songs. He also let me know that Benjamin has also written a song for his Mother! So I invited him back to play with me on Mothers Day at The Barns At Hamilton Station. I’ll be sure to post the video when I can get my hands on it!

Rock on Benjamin.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes 

 
I am fortunate to have a lot of of creating friends. Zia Hassan is one of my most creative and interesting friends. While I always enjoy doing shows with him (I’m a big fan of his music), I enjoy just talking to him even more. Zia has had an interesting few weeks, and I thought I would share his story. So just this once, “I Always Have A Story” is actually “Zia Has A Story”.

Last year Zia met a 9 year old boy that his fiancée was babysitting. After making some small talk, he quickly realized this kid had a lot to say about some pretty deep topics. So he grabbed his camera and started to film the boy's responses. A year after he posted it without much attention, it has officially gone viral with millions of views. I HIGHLY recommend you read the piece that Robert Krulwich wrote for NPR about Zia and the young boy, referred to as “The Philosopher”. Check it out HERE, which also contains the embedded video Zia originally posted.

Over the past couple weeks, many celebrities have commented on, tweeted the video and/or contacted Zia. They include Deepak Chopra, The Today Show, Jimmy Kimmel, Alyssa Milano, Chris Hayes, Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper!), and more. My favorite celebrity response is THIS video that Sarah Silverman did about the boy. (start watching at 1:30)

“You guys are going to love this unless you’re a fu@#ing a$$hole” ~Sarah Silverman

According to the Cambride Idioms Dictionary, “Out of The Mouths of Babes” is “Something you say when a small child says something that surprises you because it shows an adult's wisdom and understanding of a situation”. I think it’s safe to say that this kid has some serious wisdom. Our future is bright with people like Zia and The 9 Year Old Philospher in the world.

Just In Case You Missed It 

 
If you haven’t already figured it out, every month I tell a story in my Monthly Newsletter, and then post it on my website blog called “IAHAS”. Yeah, it’s a funny looking word but it seems to work. Over the past 3 years, many people have been added to my email list, and therefore may have missed some of my favorite posts. I thought I would take the opportunity to go back in time and re-share some of my favorites. So here you go!

So A Baby Walks Into A Bar... (Posted on May 31, 2010)
This one is pretty self-explainatory.

WWWD (What Would Weezy Do?) (Posted on Sep 7, 2010)
By far the most embarrassing thing that has ever happen to me on stage. I still have people remind me about this regularly. Ugggggh.

My Calculator Can Beat Up Your Calculator (Posted on Aug 4, 2010)
My poor technology-challenged Mother needed some math done.

The Giant Flop of a Radio Interview (Posted on Feb 4, 2011)
My first ever radio interview was a train wreck. After posting this, the DJ actually left a comment worth reading. The audio is up as well.

I Suck Huh? Well Don’t Tell That To Manassas (Posted on Jun 27, 2011)
Nothing like getting a bar to beat somebody up for you while you're playing.

Yes, That Was My Job (Posted on Jul 5, 2012)
A run-through of all the odd-jobs I’ve had over my life.


Craigslist Lesson 

 
2012 wasn’t the best year of my life. But to add a little insult to injury, I had to replace much of the gear in my home studio this past summer. Technology gets old, and then it breaks… the way of the world I suppose. After upgrading my audio interface to a Focusrite Saffire Pro 40, I wanted to sell my old Digi 002 Console on Craiglist. It’s old and discontinued, so I put it up for $300 and got several offers. A young kid who is studying audio engineering locally came to one of my gigs and I spent about 20 minutes talking to him before handing it over. I offered to help him find an internship at a local studio using my contacts, gave him a copy of my CD for free, and even told him to take it home with him to try it out for 2 weeks before he sends me the money.

Weeks turned to months, and he didn’t return my emails. I had no phone number. He didn’t have a Facebook account that I could find. I didn’t even know if his name was real. He was off the grid. I was pissed. Leo Durocher once said “Nice guys finish last”. Truer words were never spoken.

I decided to use this “internet” thing that everybody always talks about. I grew out my mustache and turned into Magnum PI. After my refined stalking skills got elbow grease all over my keyboard, I finally found out where he worked.
"Dan, please teach me how to grow that."
~Tom Selleck

I took a little drive to the coffee shop where he was happily slinging lattes. He nearly filled his pants with pudding when he saw my face. The first thing he said was “uhhh, wow, I can’t believe you’re here… it’s.. um…. amazing.” He stuttered and stammered through a boatload of excuses that included but were not limited to:

“I tried emailing you… you didn’t get them?!”
“I lost my password and couldn’t get into my computer to find your contact info!”
And my personal favorite: “I thought since I didn’t hear from you, you were just going to give it to me for free!”

After trying very unsuccessfully to show me the magical emails on his phone and laptop that somehow never made it to my inbox, he asked if I wanted to follow him to the bank. We drove a mile down the road, and he paid the $300, as well as a voluntary $50 interest fee because he was “embarrassed”.

It all worked out in the end thanks to my sleuth skills. And for my Captain Obvious advice of the day; never trust anybody on Craigslist.

And just to make you smile, HERE is the 20 Most Bizzarre Craigslist Adverts of All Time”. My personal favorite is the free couch you can get if you’re able to bend time and/or space.

Know Them Now, Brag Later 


National touring and massively successful musician Pat McGee recently put up a couple photos on his Facebook Page of newspaper clippings that his wonderful and proud mother cut out of the Washington Post 18 years ago. THIS one lists Pat playing with his old band "Gillian's Fun Deck" at a local venue. THIS one has even more future stars. This was a time when he was playing the same small bars and clubs that I'm currently playing now. The neat part is reading through the other local "small" bands and artists that were playing Virginia and DC back then. Names like Dave Matthews, Jeff Buckley, Hootie & The Blowfish, Edwin McCain, Doug Derryberry and John Alagia, Vertical Horizon, and more. It was an interesting peak into the past, with the knowledge that all of these musicians went on to do big things. 

A comment left on one of the photos reads "What I wouldn't give to have been living in Virginia in '94.... sigh".

My response in the comment section: "Those were amazing times 18 years ago. But 18 years from now, I'd like to think you can look back at today's Washington Post and be equally amazed. All the more reason to support local music:)"

In theory, everybody wants to catch a band before they make it big. But you can't do that if you don't support local music. It's hard to believe, but the Grammy winners of 2030 are probably playing at that BBQ joint around the corner next friday. Did you ever catch Starfish before they became Coldplay? Or Pineapple before you knew them as Fleet Foxes? Wouldn't it have been great to see Tony Flow And The Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem long before you could calle them RHCP?

Want a place to start? Check out Morgan Frazier, Gideon Grove, and Matt Duke. Because the next time you hear of them, you might not be able to get tickets.... but you will be able to brag.

My Dog's Speeding Ticket 

I have been known to have a lead foot every now and then. Although I currently own a truck (how else to tote around all that band gear?!), the previous vehicles I have owned since the moment I had a license included 2 Camaros and a Mustang. (Insert SPS joke here)

On a recent trip up to NY, I was driving through DC on Rt. 295 at a casual pace. I don’t know, let’s say 11-15 miles per hour over the posted limit of 50 mph. About 2 weeks later, I received a nice letter in the mail from the DC Metropolitan Police Department which included 3 photos of my truck. Here is the top half of the letter:

 

Now from this photo you can clearly see that I am speeding right?! I would feel better if they sent me one of those fancy “moving pictures” that the kids these days call “video” that at least would have proved I was speeding. Not to mention, how can you prove it was me driving? You know what the photo does prove though? That my Rhodesian Ridgeback Cannon was sticking his head out of the back window. Clearly he is the only “person” visible in the truck. Clearly he is the only one responsible. Clearly he was using the cruise control function set above the speed limit while he stuck his head out the back window. You can’t prove nothin’ copper!

So my dog is a borderline felon now. Because I’m a good Dad, I bailed him out of jail and paid the $125 ticket. Though I was bummed to hear THE DAY AFTER I GOT THE TICKET, D.C. lowered all their “automated traffic enforcement” fines. Good timing. It turns out that D.C. had a budget surplus of $139 million dollars, thanks in no small part to the $23 million dollars they made from the traffic cameras. Glad I could help. So the take home lessons here are 1) Never let your dog drive... they are always in a hurry. 2) Know where the speed cameras are! Here are the top 10 locations people get tickets in D.C. if you were wondering.

Drive safe!

The Bassist Diaries 


As many of you know, I was in a band called “Knockout Mouse” for several years before doing the solo singer-songwriter thing. KM played hundreds of shows between NY, PA, MD, DC, and VA. Anyway, a couple years ago, due to a technical glitch, I lost my list of shows that the band had performed over the years. Being an overly organized–anal retentive–pack rat, this was information I need to have! You never know when you might want to look up what smokey bar you played on a random Friday in November of 2006. Or what if you find yourself in court as a witness to a fight that broke out at your show and you need to look up details of that night?! (I only wish I made up that last one.) I was distraught! But little did I know that Johnny Love (AKA John Jens) was not only playing bass in the band, he was also taking private notes after he got home after every show. He never intended to have anybody read them other than himself (which makes the occasional reference to himself in third person all the more funny). He included info about the crowd, how we sounded, what songs worked, and random observations etc. So when he gave me the list to replace the one I had lost, I REALLY enjoyed reading his descriptions and notes. I have listed some of my favorites, and changed some names to protect the innocent. I present to you “The Bassist Diaries”:

Date, Bar X, _______, MD; 4 sets was tough; ready to pack up after 3; John autographed a couple drunk chick’s backs

Date, Bar X, _______, VA; 9pm; no cover. Had to play inside due to rain; was great show until Joe punched Ken, scrum, Brenda flew into drumset wrestling Ken off Joe, cops, Brenda got tased...oy vey no 3rd set. Packed up early...

Date, Bar X, _______, VA; horrible; we won't be returning; Tom’s a &%@ and doesn't care about live music and will be switching to all comedians...good for him

Date, Private festival, MD Wow. Could write a book about this show. Rainstorms x 4. Rich from the first band, Sampson Road or whatever the %$#! they were called, wanted a stage; demanded a stage. The 30ft trailer they brought was ridiculous; the tent wouldn't fit on top. F the stage! Dave slipped and broke his arm just before the last rain storm finished and we were to do line-check for them. Totally sucks

11 Aug 2007 - Nissan Pavillion VIP Club side stage; Danny & Johnny w/ Mike Jewel - Mike on vaca; partied with Adam and MJ beforehand, place crawling with cops, nice; Dan on crutches; &%@ing hotter than Afrika; "we're opening for DMB!" heh

25 Aug 2007 - Nissan Pavillion VIP Club side stage; hotter than ballz, again; thunderstorms shortened our sets and mad scramble to cover everything with tarp; tons of drunk young girls running around for Kenny Chesney

New Years Eve 2007 Bar X, _______, VA; $10 cover includes champagne toast pretty good turnout though not the largest here; fire marshall made them take down xmas lights on ceiling, waste of at least an hour during setup; 1521s worked fine again; used 15" as rack stand for mixer + combo + just a bit in the PA for good results and lots of compliments on sound;

8 June 2008 - Nissan Pavillion VIP Club side stage; some dude called Tom Petty on the main stage. Hotter than africa hot; markbass DI gave issues; couple cables bad; bad first set sound; worse playing; 2nd better but combo acting weird (heat?)

Date, Private wedding, VA; great time; winning ugly though; Dan stress puppy; Sarah pretty good on cowbell; Sweet Caroline HUGE hit; Safety Dance surprised, too; couple power issues blowing circuits, guess those 2 outlets WERE on the same circuit; hot and humid, showers during setup under huge tent with decent stage; JBLs sounded good, clean, projected nicely; bluegrass band was ok

Date, Bar X, _______, VA; 10pm; no cover; ok turn out, nice weather, lots of ppl outside, not so many inside; long set worked well (100 mins); Shannon the wanna-be bass player was just as bad as could be imagined

10 Aug 2007 - Danny & Johnny w/ Mike Jewel - the Red Horse Tavern (formerly Maxwell's), Middleburg, VA; 9:30pm; no cover sit-down, coffee shop vibe was cool; Dan busted his ankle jumping off a trailer earlier in the week and on crutches